I am holding a soggy bra when I get a text from our realtor: can she bring a potential buyer through the house in three hours?
Of course, I respond. And then I turn to the problem on hand: where does one hang a just-washed brassiere to dry when one is showing one's house?
In Normal Life, we would drape all of our soggy clothes (at least those not destined for the dryer) over the drying rack that we keep in our laundry room. But this is not Normal Life. This is House-Selling Life, and our drying rack has been banished as Clutter.
As it has been explained to us, the idea, when selling a house, is to present potential buyers with a vision of their possible future that is open, spacious, and most importantly, free of the current owners and the messy detritus of their lives. Not only the dirty dishes but the dish drainer, compost pail, even dish soap need to be cleared from the kitchen counter:
Because people who are selling their houses must not be seen as dirtying dishes or generating compost scraps.
Glasses, contact lens cases, toothbrushes and toothpaste all need to be cleared from the bathroom sink:
Because people who are selling their houses must not be seen as myopic or subject to plaque build-up.
I have drawn the line at evacuating the soap and shampoo from the shower because, pull-eeze.
Then again, our house has been on the market for a week and a half and we have yet to see an offer -- and I suspect it may have everything to do with our choice in hair-care products.
As it turns out, even without our trusty drying rack, our house is full of places where one might hang a just-washed brassiere:
But none of these will do. Because people who are selling their houses must not be seen as having breasts. Certainly not breasts that require underwire support.
Mostly, people who are selling their houses must not be seen. And since it is closing in on tour time, I will head to my favorite local spot to grab a cuppa until the domestic coast is clear.
I think I will take my soggy bra with me to the coffee shop and drape it over the back of my chair.